Unlimited Power – Part 2
In Part 1 we learned about the power of modeling. Now we will take a look at the magic of rapport.
What is leadership?
As John Maxwell puts it, leadership is influence.
The best leaders in the world rely heavily on their ability to influence others. In fact if a leader has no influence, aren’t they ineffective? So what is it that gives great leaders the charm and charisma to influence those they work with? This is the magic of rapport.
In order for us to be able to influence people we must first establish a connection. Trying to convince someone of anything without first establishing a connection and context is like trying to cut diamond with a butter knife. For example, it would be extremely ineffective for me to come to you at the super market and say “hey, you should buy this great artwork I have.” You aren’t interested in buying artwork from a random guy at the super market of all places. You know nothing about the artwork and I have no idea if the artwork is a good idea for you. So to influence we must first establish connection and this comes 90% from body language.
Tony calls this mirroring. The fact is we are attracted to people who are similar to us. There have been numerous studies that prove this. “In one study, subjects were shown pictures of strangers which were preceded by a short glimpse of either their own opposite-sex parent or a stranger. Subjects exposed to a short glimpse of their parent before being exposed to the target picture were more likely to assign higher ratings of attractiveness to the person in the target picture. In a second study, a picture of the stranger was morphed with a picture of themselves or a picture of another stranger. When subjects were asked to rate the portrayed people for attractiveness, they usually picked the people who were an amalgamation of a stranger and themselves.”* This is no fault of our own but it is an unconscious bias that we have built into us. However, we can use this fact to our advantage by mirroring. We can’t morph our faces to better resemble others but we can change our body language and our style to match others. Allow an example; a usually shy and laid back person with a relaxed attitude will not easily get along with another who is in-your-face and uptight. So to counteract this, you and I should take on the air of our target of influence.
The next time you are in a public area practice mirroring others. You don’t need to actually interact with the other person to mirror. Try sitting on a park bench across from a stranger. Emulate the strangers seating position, facial expression, and activities. If they cross their leg from one leg to the other, wait a brief moment and do the same. Mirror everything even down to the breathing. Rarely will a person notice you mirroring him or her. So no need to fear a stranger standing up and yelling “STOP COPYING ME!!”. If the stranger happens to come over and talk to you after a while, you’ve been effective at establishing rapport.
Stay tuned for more on rapport and influence!
Action Step: Practice mirroring every chance you get. Practice it on friends, family and strangers and see how much easier it is to establish connection with these people. Also, don’t forget to grab your copy of Unlimited Power here!
Happy Reading!
*Psychology Today – “Are We Attracted to People Who Look Like Us?”
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